He stood by the edge and looked down. The water was calm, a slight drizzle spotting the ocean with odd plops as raindrops scratched its surface. He watched the calm ocean as seagulls swam across, their heads dunking in and out of the water. A seaplane came gliding down on the other side of the water and hit the water calmly before coming to a stop.
Standing here made him realize the extent of the world, how life went beyond what he knew or understood. There were so many people with such parallel lives to his, and yet so different. He envied their lives, how they could go day by day and enjoy everything that life brought him. And yet here he was contemplating life, and whether it was worth living.
He knew it was unhealthy to stand here. The longer he stood by the edge, the longer he wanted to end it. It gave him a sense of peace to finally see what others were like, how they lived, how they enjoyed life. And he also knew he knew he could never compete with that, never come close to enjoying the same experiences.
He felt tired, fatigued, of everything. He inched closer to the edge, the bridge no longer a part of his mind.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
He turned around to see who was talking to him. Probably a concerned onlooker trying to save him, prevent him from ending it. Yet when he turned around what he saw surprised him.
It was himself. But ten years ago. As a teenager. It was most definitely himself, the same light brown hair, the same hazel eyes, the pointy ears. The only difference was the colour of his skin, with the skin of his previous self more vibrant, more colourful, now his skin a bland yellowish gray.
This was impossible. How could he be looking at his past self. He must be dreaming he thought. It couldn’t be.
“What do you think you’re asking?” his teenager self asked again, his head tilted slightly as he looked back at him with his own eyes.
“I – Well I am tired. Tired of life.”
He wasn’t sure why he was even explaining himself, let alone to what must surely be a hallucination.
“Tired of life?” someone else said, the voice heavier, deeper than his former self, or his own. He turned to his side and looked towards the voice. This shook him even more than the arrival of his former self.
What he saw was a middle aged man. Wearing a dark black pea coat, the man had light brown hair, a thick brown beard, a large beer belly and hazel eyes. The man looked exactly like himself but in the future. This couldn’t be possible, yet the man most certainly had his features.
“Why are you tired of life?”
He hesitated. What could he possibly tell his older self? Why was he imagining such strange people? This could not possibly be real.
“My girlfriend broke up with me. Walked away with another man. And I lost my job. I feel miserable.”
The man smiled. “Oh don’t worry. Don’t worry about that.”
How could he not worry? His life had been turned upside down and he was hallucinating visions of himself in the past and in the present. And he wanted to end it. His life.
“I’m tired. I can’t take it anymore. I want to end-“
“Don’t do it. I’m telling you. I know what you’re thinking. But trust me. It gets better. I am your future self. Look at me. What do you see?”
He didn’t know how to respond to that. What could he possibly say to that?
“I have come from the future to tell you not to end it right now above this ocean, standing on the edge of this bridge. Doing so will destroy all your potential, all that you’re capable of. Look at me. This is you, but ten years from now. You will be successful, you will be happy. You have to believe me.”
Upon hearing these words, he felt something shift within him. It was as if everything suddenly clicked in place. He didn’t need to do this, he didn’t need to die today, things would get better. He closed his eyes and placed his hand over his heart, feeling the beating of the heart. It was a pleasant feeling. He felt alive, rejuvenated.
He opened his eyes and looked around him. His past self and future self were gone. It was as if they had disappeared. Or maybe they had really never existed. He was still on the bridge. Without hesitating he took a step back and walked away. He walked away from the side of the bridge, away from life’s darkest point. And now he knew that things would improve. He continued along, now a smile on his face, the sun appearing from between the clouds. Things were changing. He could feel it.
