She watched the sun as it slowly began to set, the sky dimming more and more by the minute. She was anticipating the darkness, waiting for it to arrive, as if its arrival would sooth her of her pain. But of course it wouldn’t. It would only make the pain worse. The darkness would open her mind to all the emptiness, all the loneliness, all the pain.
She focused on the sky as the last of the sun disappeared away, inviting the moon to begin the night. It was a calm, clear night, not a cloud in the sky.
She felt so hurt, so damaged beyond repair. He had crushed her in such a deep way that she was unsure how she would ever return to normal. She had loved him. It was such a deep love, one that was eternal, one that she felt could not be broken. But it had been broken. Just like that. As easy as dropping a glass, letting it hit the glass as it shattered into a million pieces.
That was what it had been like. Everything they had built together, had shattered so quickly and easily, until it no longer existed.
She sat there now in total darkness, wondering where it had gone wrong, what she had done wrong. The thoughts swirled in her mind like hurricane winds, bouncing and flowing, raging through her mind one after the other. She had loved him and he had loved her. Until this morning. The thought made her sick.
She had come home early from work to surprise him but left feeling horrified, hurt and humiliated. She had walked into the room only to find him with another woman. As she had stood there awkwardly, she felt frozen in shock, as if unable to comprehend it as reality. After a long silence she ran out the door, hopped into her car and drove to wherever she could find.
Which was how she had ended up at the edge of the lake. She had cried and cried and cried all day, until there were no tears left to give. Now she only felt numb, as if she no longer had the ability to feel anything.
He had called her over and over and had left a number of messages on her voicemail, but she ignored them. She knew what the voicemails and the messages contained. Empty apologies, excuses. But none of them could change what he did.
She watched the reflection of the moon in front of her, as it was illuminated down from the sky. It was so calm, such a beautiful evening.
She hated him. She knew this now. He had cheated on her. How long it had been going on for, he had no idea. But he did it on purpose, without considering how much she loved him, how much it would hurt if she found out. And now she had found out. And it most definitely did hurt.
She watched the scene in front of her, the calm water ahead, the quietness of the forest surrounding her. It was all quiet.
She sighed and put her face in her hands. How could he have done this to her? She was stunned, as if still unable to comprehend that it had really happened. But it had.
She knew now that she could never love someone again, could never give in. Doing so would risk getting hurt again, getting cheated on once again. She could not do that to herself again. The pain was too great.
She felt her phone vibrating in her pocket again. It was as if she could feel his desperation through the vibrations as he tried to reach her. But she ignored him. She had to. She couldn’t endure talking to him. It would be too painful.
Finally she decided it was enough time spent out by the lake. She hadn’t eaten all day. She would find a hotel and stay there for the time being. And then she would decide what to do next. She had to get through this. Slowly but surely. Without another thought she turned and walked back to her car, the moonlight cast on her back.
